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my marriage… with professor akeem amodu

My marriage… With Professor Akeem Amodu

My marriage… With Professor Akeem Amodu插图

How did you meet your wife?

I am from Ibadan in Oyo State. I met my wife at the University of Ife (now Obafemi Awolowo University). Interestingly, she was my student at the time. I was teaching Philosophy, and she happened to be in my class.

What can you say about your marriage?

We have been married for 24 years and are blessed with children. It has been a fulfilling journey. Interestingly, during the last convocation ceremony at the University of Ibadan, she was awarded a master’s degree in Urban Housing and Development. After completing her first degree, she dedicated much of her time to managing the home. When she decided to pursue further education, we supported and encouraged her. Today, she holds a master’s degree. It has been a wonderful experience over the years.

How can couples handle challenges during the early days of marriage?

The first thing to understand is that God is the ultimate planner. However, He has also given individuals the ability to reason, strategise, and implement plans. Couples must embrace tolerance and accommodate each other during the early phase of marriage. This period is a time of discovery, distinct from the dynamics of pre-marriage relationships. It is natural for new things to surface, as this is when couples truly begin to see each other’s complete picture.

During this fragile stage, couples must decide whether to make the union work. Many marriages that end in divorce occur within the first one to five years, but surviving these initial years through dedication and sacrifice increases the chances of a lasting, happy marriage. I advise couples in their early years of marriage to grow closer, be accommodating, and overlook minor issues.

What are the dos and don’ts for couples at this phase?

It’s essential to understand that not everything should be discussed with parents. Marriage marks the beginning of a new phase of adulthood, requiring independence.

While some matters can be shared with elders, relying on them for every decision may lead to conflicts, especially if parental opinions differ. Couples should focus on seeking solutions together and navigating challenges as a team.

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As the head of the house, the husband should always consult his wife, and the wife should be willing to contribute her ideas. Mutual respect is key. Women value respect and a sense of belonging, so husbands must involve their wives in every family decision.

What should an ideal dating relationship look like?

An ideal dating relationship, one that can lead to a successful marriage, must be free of pretence. Both partners should be transparent about who they are. While religious values might shape certain behaviours, honesty remains crucial.

For men, financial stability is a fundamental requirement. It’s essential to work hard to provide for your partner. While money may not be everything, a husband has the primary responsibility of ensuring the family’s basic needs are met, regardless of the wife’s financial capacity.

Transparency about finances is critical. For instance, if you earn N100,000 monthly, do not exaggerate your income to N500,000 during courtship. Being upfront about your earnings and aspirations helps prevent post-marriage issues. Pretence about financial capacity before marriage can lead to misunderstandings or even divorce. Let your partner know your reality and plans to improve your situation.

You should do all these if she is sincere with you anyway. The woman must also show her true self. Both should understand their likes, dislikes, and priorities.

If you are honest with each other before marriage, you are likely to succeed in the marriage. However, if you engage in “cosmetic love” by portraying yourself as something you are not, such a marriage will face challenges. Be truthful with each other and clear about your plans. Including prayer can also help.

What should couples do to avoid boredom in their marriage?

There are several things. Make every day enjoyable. Celebrate your marriage, your partner and your children. The situation in the country may not always be favourable, but there are still small gestures you can do to celebrate each other. Little surprises matter. You don’t need to take each other out of the country to add excitement to your relationship.

It doesn’t have to be limited to Valentine’s Day—make celebrating each other a daily habit.

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